We've moved!

In an effort to centralize all our various blogs, T and I are launching timandolive.com!  This baby blog can now be found under the Family tab.

Thanks for being part of our journey.  Hope you enjoy the new website!  (It's a work in progress, so please feel free to leave us comments, questions or suggestions!)

Gone in 60 seconds (or less)

I did it.  Chopped off a foot of hair.  I'm not sure exactly how much all that hair weighed, but I'm pretty sure getting such an extreme haircut is one of the fastest ways of losing weight.  It's certainly one of the only (if not the only) acceptable ways of losing weight while I'm pregnant!  (Not that I needed to.)

I feel like getting my hair cut was one of the final "big" things I needed to get done before the baby arrives.  The countdown to baby's due date is only FOUR WEEKS.  This means baby will most likely be born between two to six weeks from now.  So it feels really good to check this item off my list.

I know you're all curious about how I look now, so I'll indulge you and post some pictures of my adventures this afternoon.

Getting ready for the big snip

Here goes nothing!

Halfway there

Bye-bye long hair!

Hello new style! 

Now the true test is, will I be able to make my hair look this good after I wash it tomorrow morning?  ;)  I think it's possible.  I have faith in my hairdresser.  =)

A date of significance

Five years ago today, a certain young man invited a certain young woman into the adventure of courtship.  Five years ago today, the young woman said yes to that invitation.  Now, 5 years later, they are one month away from the due date of their first baby!  Needless to say, their adventure has only begun.  ;)

I don't have much time to write today, but I figured it's been a while since I updated.  Overall, everything is going well.  I'm not as ridiculously famished as I was a few weeks ago, so I think baby's growth spurt is slowing down.  Baby also seems to be sinking lower into my pelvis, which means my hips are beginning to hurt.  Sigh.

I'm going for a haircut tomorrow, which I'm excited about.  Partly because I love donating hair to make wigs for kids with cancer.  And partly because taking care of this long hair is getting cumbersome and energy taxing. I look forward to a fresh, manageable "mommy" hairdo.  =)

Anyway, it's nap time for me so here's a photo for you:  35 weeks.  One of the last photos of me pregnant with long hair.  My spiritual director says it looks like I have a basketball under my shirt.  Hee hee.

Prenatal classes: Done!

Last night, we successfully completed our prenatal classes.  I asked T, "Does that mean we're now ready to prenate?"  ;)

It's kind of crazy that seven weeks ago, we sat in a room with 11 other couples.  And within these 7 weeks, two of the couples already had their babies (both premature).  Makes me wonder when everyone else is going to give birth.

My mom asked me tonight if I'm feeling excited or anxious.  I said I'm feeling more excited than anxious.  I read or heard somewhere that fear makes the labour process more painful.  Because when you're afraid, you tense up your muscles and make it more difficult for the body to do what it needs to do.  My perspective on labour and birth right now is this:  it's what God created my body to do, so if I can relax and let my body do its thing, I think it will be alright.  I still anticipate discomfort, but I don't think that my labour needs to be like those on TV and Hollywood movies where the mothers scream and curse and it looks like the worst day of their lives.

At the grocery store today, the cashier commented that I looked like I was going to pop soon.  Soon, I thought, but not quite.  Baby is still able to flip from one side to the other, so I think there's still some room for growth.  I am getting to the point though where I really look forward to having baby outside of my body so that I don't have to be the only one carrying the weight.  T and I considered what it might look like if the dad could alternate with the mom in carrying the baby throughout pregnancy.  How would that work?

My sleep comes in segments now.  I sleep for about 3 hours, wake up to use the bathroom, sleep another 3 hours, wake up to use the bathroom and eat, sleep for another 2-3 hours, wake up to eat again and then depending on what time of the morning it is, I may or may not sleep for another hour or so. (Aside: I'm often surprised at the number of cars on the road at 3am.  Why are these people out and about in the middle of the night??)  Sometimes, I'll nap in the afternoon.  But usually my naps last about 50 minutes before my bladder alarm goes off.

I have other thoughts floating around in my brain but I think it's time to call it a day.  Till next time...!

It's coming together

With 6 weeks to go until the official due date, things are certainly coming together.  We're pretty much finished clearing out everything we don't need or want and down to reorganizing baby's room.  This afternoon, we went stroller and crib mattress shopping.  These were the last two "big" items we needed to get.

We were looking for a compact, lightweight and durable stroller and found one by the same manufacturer as the carseat we have (for those interested in the details, the stroller was a Britax B-Nimble and goes with our Britax Chaperone carseat).  After scouring the internet for local shops that carry the model we were looking for, we finally found one store in North Vancouver that stocked it and had floor models we could try.  An extra bonus was that it was the store's 3rd anniversary weekend so with the purchase of the stroller, we got $50 of in-store credit to use toward something else.  Conveniently, we put the credit toward a crib mattress.  =)

I'm super excited about rearranging baby's room tonight.  Because after all the furniture is in place, I can finally take all of baby's clothes and linens out of the boxes and bags they're currently sitting in and find a home for everything.  And after that, basically all that's left is packing the hospital bag!

On another note, I think there's a reason for the term "bun in the oven."  I definitely feel like an oven these days, especially when I sleep.  There hasn't been one morning where I haven't woken up in a sweat. Or maybe all the sweating I'm doing at night is what's keeping me from retaining water in my hands and feet?

It's crazy to me that we're nearing the end of this pregnancy so soon.  They say the baby can come anywhere between two weeks before to two weeks after the due date.  That means we could potentially have 4 weeks left before we meet baby Chan!  (Or, it could be 8 weeks still...)

I'll end off today with what my fabulous hubby made this morning to help us figure out how to organize baby's room.  Just one of the many reasons I love him.  =)

Go ahead, grow me up

One thing that has surprised me most about this process of pregnancy is my own struggle with body image. I've touched on this in a previous post but I guess it's a major enough area that it warrants another post.

A number of weeks ago, I was at a conference where singer/songwriter Carolyn Arends was performing. I picked up her book, "We've Been Waiting for You" which documents her journey to parenthood. I have to confess, every time I look through the book, I am brought to tears. Many of her thoughts resonate deeply with me.

One of my favorites is this: "Go ahead, I whisper to my child-in-waiting, take all the room you need.  Increase my waist.  Expand my heart.  Enlarge my soul.  Grow me up."

It challenges me to let go of my previously tightly held "ideal" body image to welcome something even better.   When I am tempted to ruminate over whether my thighs have gotten fatter or if I'll be able to fit back into my pre-pregnancy clothes, Carolyn's words beckon me to remember that my life and body are now to be given for someone else's life and well-being. They exhort me to live more selflessly.

I don't know if I will always struggle with this but when I see the words, "Grow me up," my heart says, "YES!" and I know it's all worth it.

On a lighter (heavier?) note, I found an image that expresses how I feel when I try to turn over in bed these days:

Ha.

Mad and ruthless

These days, we are mad and ruthless.  Don't worry, it's not toward each other, just toward our stuff.  Yup, we're madly and ruthlessly purging our apartment.  We're down to the final room in the house:  the office-soon-to-be-baby-room.  By the end of this process, we figure we'll have scrutinized every item we own and given away or gotten rid of at least 20-30% of it.  We can't wait till everything's sorted through and the furniture is all rearranged.

I haven't posted much of late.  I guess this point of the pregnancy has been pretty uneventful (a good thing).  Thanksgiving weekend was nice.  We celebrated our third wedding anniversary in a very low key fashion.  Since my left hip has been bothering me when I walk too much, we went to watch a movie (50/50 - we'd recommend it) and had dinner at Swiss Chalet.

It's kind of fun being out and about these days as strangers will ask me when baby's due.  I feel a little like a waddling turtle though.  Slow and well, waddling.

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, here are some things I'm thankful for these days:
- I can still sleep pretty comfortably
- my hands and feet are not swollen
- baby's growing and getting stronger
- my back feels fine - most days anyway
- family and friends have been so generous in lending us/giving us baby items
- T's been an amazing support and super helpful around the house

Just for fun, here's a photo my mom took of me and my dad when they came to visit back at the beginning of September.  My dad gave me permission to share it here.  Tee hee.  =)  My belly's a lot bigger than his now!

Brain jam

I feel like I have a backlog of thoughts waiting to be written.  So today I will attempt to clear some of the brain jam.  Be forewarned, this might end up being quite a long post.

Things have been happy.  Things have been sobering.  Things have been difficult.  And things have been hopeful.

The happy:
We are slowly acquiring things we need for baby.  The best part?  We're getting really good deals in the process!  So far, we've gotten a free change table, a baby bath tub for $3.50 and a super-nice rocking chair/footstool combo for $35.  I'm extremely happy about the rocking chair because I had been praying for one and stopping by our local thrift store every now and then to check if they had any.  Last week, they finally had one.  And it's the perfect size for me and for our apartment.  As T was loading it into our car, an elderly lady walked past us and commented, "That's a really nice chair!  I've never seen something so nice in that thrift store.  It must just be for you and your baby."  I smiled at her and thought to myself, "Yes.  This chair is just for us."

Isn't it lovely?

The sobering:
Prenatal classes.  Learning about the birth process and the average length of time labour lasts, I have found myself bracing for some hard work ahead.  In our class last night, we covered variations on labour and different interventions that can be taken.  This included a role-play lesson on c-sections that resembled something like ER.  Now that I know what has to happen in a cesarean birth, I really pray that I (and all my classmates) would be spared from that surgery!

The difficult:
Saying goodbye to some of our stuff.  As we have been systematically going through every room in our house, we've been clearing out a lot of stuff.  Some of the items I couldn't care less about and am happy to give away.  Some other items have been harder to part with, either because I remember buying them (and paying good money for them!) or because they represent some sort of memory.  It has certainly been a process of letting go and "growing up" of sorts.  I wrote more about it here.

The hopeful:
I'm not sure if hopeful is the best word for this.  But I have been re-working a painting that I had done 13 years ago as a high school art project.  Back when I was a teenager, I had intended for this piece to be a statement against abortion.  And thus had included a lifeless fetus as part of the image.  Now that I am carrying a child and have grown in my understanding of redemption and life, I wanted the painting to be less depressing and more hopeful.  So I have refinished it.  I think it's neat that what I painted so many years ago is a reality happening in my own body right now.  The remaining question is, where might be a good home for it?

Here's the finished painting.  It's a two-part piece titled, "Life."

The bump's the trump

It's hard to believe that I'm at 30 weeks - which means there are only 10 weeks to go!  I think my belly has finally hit the point where it's obvious enough that strangers will ask me when I'm due.  It also seems to be the focal point for most people I interact with.

I was telling T last night that people no longer notice or comment on things that would have been noticed pre-bump.  Things like new glasses (I've had them for a month now and only one person has noted it) and the fact that I'm taking advantage of the pregnancy phenomenon of thick and healthy hair (I'm growing it out right now and planning to donate it about a month before I'm due to make wigs for kids with cancer).  Nope, people generally just notice my belly.  Which is fine.  And in a way, I think it is preparing me for the shift of attention away from me once baby arrives.

In other news, these last couple weeks have seen a couple new developments.  I notice that baby has hiccups about twice a day.  And at times, I can feel little protrusions that seem to be baby's feet or head or some other pointy bit jutting out of my abdomen.  It's kind of fun to visualize baby in there.

These last few days, I've noticed a definite increase in my appetite.  It feels like the first few weeks of pregnancy again - I am constantly eating!  I seem to be shifting toward a new mode of operation where the days and nights roll into each other and are punctuated by eating times.  This, too, is preparation for what's ahead I suspect.

Anyway, it's been a while since I posted a photo.  So here's me at 30 weeks, complete with the new glasses and long, flowing hair.  ;)  Can you spot the emerging belly button?

Courage to face the pain

Last night at our second prenatal class, we covered the first stage of labour.  The instructor taught us a few positions we could assume and some breathing patterns we could use to help us make it through the contractions.  I can't say I look forward to the pain.

Something that struck me though was her explanation of how birth pain is purposeful pain.  In the process of pain, endorphin is released that actually helps the woman feel less pain.  And did you know that during the contractions, a woman's body releases a chemical that calms the baby?  This allows baby to be born wide-eyed, calm and open to taking in the world in his/her first hours.  So although what I will be feeling is pain, lots of other stuff will be happening in my body for both mine and the baby's good.

I find it interesting that somehow, knowing that pain serves a greater purpose gives me courage to enter into that unpleasant experience.  That somehow, it makes it more worth it.

On a side note, baby is amazingly squirmy these days.  Or maybe I just feel the squirming more.  =)  This morning, it felt like baby was practicing tai bo against my internal organs.  I found myself praying that God would help baby turn around.  T encouraged me with this beatitude:  Blessed are they who feel pummeled from the inside, for theirs will be a beautiful child.  It helped to remember that I am blessed.

Oh, and I passed the glucose screening test.  Yay for no gestational diabetes.  =)

Let the nesting begin!

Last Monday, we attended our first prenatal class.  Most of it was introduction, meeting the instructor and the other eleven couples in the class, and going over what to expect in the next five classes.  During one part of the class, we watched a DVD about the third trimester and in it, they mentioned the tendency for pregnant women to "nest" - that is, to sort through and rearrange the house incessantly in preparation for the baby.

T and I chuckled when we watched that segment because that's what I've started to do the last couple weeks or so.  For one, I swapped out our beloved set of beautiful black and blue stoneware dishes (that were originally gifts from our wedding registry - *sniff*) for light, practical and durable plain white Corelle dinnerware.  I figured once the baby arrives, I'm going to have to learn to do things with one hand and heavy, breakable stoneware just isn't conducive to that.

I've also harvested all the basil, oregano and rosemary that I'd been growing and replaced them with lower-maintenance plants.

And the other night, we went through our bookshelves and weeded out the books and other papers that we don't want to keep.

At this point, making room for the baby (and all the baby's stuff) seems of utmost importance to us.  As I reflect on this time of "making space," I am reminded of the line in the Christmas carol Joy to the World that says, "Let every heart prepare Him room."  And I realize that this time of preparation, of clearing the clutter and creating a hospitable place for our baby is akin to the Christian season of Advent, where for four weeks before Christmas, people set aside time to anticipate and welcome the coming of Jesus.  So I guess while the traditional Advent is four weeks long, our little "Advent" of sorts is 12 weeks (or maybe it's more like 40 weeks?).

It can wait

I'm learning to incorporate this phrase into my vocabulary:  "[fill in the blank] can wait."  Today, it's the laundry. You see, usually, Monday's are my grocery and laundry days.  But after getting groceries this morning and spot cleaning our irritatingly dirty floor this afternoon, I'm wiped.  And since sleep at night has been hit and miss, naptime calls.  So the laundry can wait.

Tonight, we are heading to our very first prenatal class (session one of six).  We don't really know what to expect.  The only instructions we got were to dress comfortably and bring a pillow...  Although I must say, I am looking forward to meeting some other people who live in our area and are due around the same time as us.  I'll keep you posted on how it goes!

But if I am to be remotely attentive tonight, I must get some sleep.  So I shall bid you adieu for now and say hello to my pillow.  =)

Thankfully, earthquakes don't count as a pregnancy symptom

At lunch today, as T and I were eating at home, I suddenly felt on onset of dizziness.  I thought to myself, This is strange, I was feeling fine just a second ago, how is it that I feel so unstable all of a sudden?  And then I realized it was an earthquake!  I was relieved that it was the earth and not my body that was out of balance.

This past week, my parents came to visit us.  It was the first time they got to see me pregnant.  My mom had fun talking to baby in my belly.  She also spoiled me with new shoes and a couple of beautiful cardigans that will be perfect for the autumn/winter.  Oh, and a super-cute maternity/nursing pajama set.  And my dad and I had fun comparing belly sizes.  We even took a couple pictures.

My mom also helped me sort through 4 boxes of baby clothes that one of T's cousins generously lent us.  The newborn pieces really are so small and cute!  Can't wait to use them.  =)

On Wednesday evening, we went with my parents to tour the hospital where I will be delivering baby.   There were maybe another 7 couples there as well.  I think my belly was the smallest by far.  Either we're eager beavers and took the tour really early in our pregnancy, or I'm just carrying small.  I couldn't tell.  Anyway, it was quite informative and I'm glad we went.  I got pretty thirsty and tired by the end of the tour though.  And that night, I dreamt that I gave birth and had to wander the halls holding my newborn in search of something to drink.  Ha.

In other news, my nausea and food aversions seem to have abated.  So the chicken ban has not been reinstated.  That's good news.

Fatigue and weepiness are still hanging around.  I spent most of today sleeping and only changed out of my pjs at 4pm.  I've been finding it super hot this week and that's added to the inability to get good sleep.  Thankfully, I've been managing to get solid deep sleep in 1-hour increments.  Training for when baby arrives?  I think so.

Anyway, saw this cartoon that depicts my situation pretty accurately.  Enjoy.  =)

Oh hello again

And without fanfare or warning, four first-trimester chums are back in town.

Hello again fatigue, nausea, food aversions and weepiness. I have to say, I have not missed you.  From what others tell me, you've come to re-visit us because baby's growing and taking up more room, my stomach's getting squished and my hormones are running amok.  And I shouldn't expect you four to leave until the baby is born.  That's just excellent.

I find it amazing that for about a minute when I first wake up, I feel refreshed.  And then whomp, fatigue, you find me and I want to curl up and sleep the day away.  Except I can't seem to sleep very long before my bladder sounds the alarm and I'm forced to get up.

I've been told that eating smaller meals should help me cope with you, nausea.  Well, that's what I did for lunch today and nope, still feel gross.  Something tells me vitamins are going to be a chore again and the chicken ban is going to come back into full effect.

The worst part is that I'm hungry all the time.  Sigh.

As for you, weepiness, you're just there ready to dole out the tears whenever you fancy.  Even cartoons make me cry these days.

Anyway, I guess I have no choice but to try to be hospitable to you four for now.  Fighting you would simply be a waste of energy.  Just remember, your stay will end in due time and you will have to move on.

Celebrating third trimester with "the drink"

Today marks 27 weeks in my pregnancy, which according to some, is the start of the third and final trimester.  Baby and I celebrated today by getting a glucose screening test done.  A dear friend of mine was kind enough to accompany us for the 1 hour test during which my blood was drawn, I drank "the drink", waited for an hour and had my blood drawn again.  It was a screening test to see if my body was processing sugar correctly - if not, it would mean that I might have gestational diabetes (diabetes of the pregnant woman type).

When the lab technician asked me whether I had ever had "the drink" before, I told her, "No, I haven't.  But I have heard much about 'the drink'!"  It made her laugh.  She then offered me the choice of orange or plain flavour.  I opted for the orange.

"The drink" came in a little plastic bottle, refrigerated.  The technician said I had 5 minutes to down the whole thing.  I had been told that it would be incredibly sweet and pretty nasty tasting.  So I braced myself for the worst.

It was...  fine.

I finished it in less than a minute and thought to myself, I wonder if this is the same drink everyone else talks about?

I told the technician that if you've ever had to drink chinese medicine, this was nothing.  Chinese medicine is bitter and tastes like dirt.  This at least was sweet and citrus-y.

Conclusion?  Taste is relative.  When you've had something truly hard to swallow, the rest is surprisingly tolerable.  Here's to the final three months!

How to trap a husband

As this pregnancy has progressed, I have found myself struggling with fears and insecurities I never thought existed in me.  In the last couple months, I've asked T at least three or more times a day week a common yet impossible to answer question, "Am I fat??!"

To which, he has replied, "Yes....  No....  Um.....  I dunno?"

The other day we were laughing about this situation and he asked me what I was really asking.  What was behind this question about being fat or not?  Someone (a mother of grown children) told him I was looking for affirmation.  I think that's part of it, but for me, it is deeper than that even.

Anyway, here's my attempt to decipher my own question.  I can't speak for all pregnant women, but I know that for myself, when I ask, "Am I fat?"  I'm really saying:  I'm having a hard time loving myself and accepting this changing body of mine.  I wonder if I'm still beautiful, acceptable, lovable and valuable.  The person I had been so accustomed to is no longer.  Can I love this new me?  Maybe you can help me love me?  

Of course, I know that the deepest, most satisfying love I seek ultimately comes from God's heart toward me.  But I am learning that sometimes, it helps to borrow my husband's or a friend's love when I seem to have misplaced my own.

99 days to go!

Dear Baby Chan (aka, CHANnel 3),

If you are among the 5% of babies who arrive on their due dates, you will be making your grand entrance into this world in a mere ninety-nine days.  As I ponder this reality, my heart is filled with curiosity.  Who will you look like?  Who will you take after?  Will you be musical like your parents?  Will you love words like your mommy, or will you like numbers like your daddy?  What aspects of your grandparents will you inherit?  Will you be a social butterfly?  The life of the party?  A contemplative?  What passions will drive you?  What kind of friends will we be?

You are growing bigger by the day and I can feel your movements getting stronger too.  Are you feeling cramped in there?   These last two days, I've felt you move on both sides of my belly simultaneously.  What are you even doing???

There are many people who are looking forward to meeting you.  There is a lot of love awaiting to embrace you.  Do you sense that?  Every night, your daddy and I pray for you.  We pray for many things, but above all, we pray that you would know without a shadow of a doubt that you are deeply and thoroughly loved.  We pray that somehow God would communicate this love to you because our love is limited but His is unwavering and limitless.

In these next 99 days, we will be busy with getting ready for your arrival.  You just hang in there, enjoy being carried around and keep on practicing your happy dance.

With deep affection,
Mommy

Happy baby

I went for a check-up this morning.  Everything seems to be going well.  The baby-doctor (OB) said my weight is good, my belly size is right on target and the baby's heartbeat is strong and happy.  I'm thankful.  I have to go in for a glucose tolerance test sometime before my next appointment.  I've heard some pretty discouraging things about that test so we'll see how it goes for me.

I have one more monthly check-up before I switch to appointments every two weeks. When the doctor told me that, I thought, "Just like that?!  This pregnancy is whipping by!"  T, on the other hand, thinks that waiting 9 months is going way too slowly.

Baby has gotten two gifts so far:  a Vancouver Canucks bib, from friends of ours who are also expecting; and a pair of cute blue shoes, from one very excited grandma-to-be.  This weekend, we'll be starting to collect other baby goods of a more essential nature.  It's times like these that we are especially grateful for the network of friends and family we have around us who are so generous and helpful.

In other news, I think my second-trimester burst of energy is slowly coming to an end.  I'm finding myself more tired in the last couple days.  And my calf muscles are periodically threatening to cramp up on me (apparently this was something my mom had to deal with too).  Although, I've taken my nutritionist mother's advice and upped my calcium intake and that has helped alleviate some of the cramping.

Anyway, just thought I'd do a little update while I had some time.  Thanks for reading!

My belly-button is getting shallower

The deep abyss that used to be my naval is slowly transforming.  It hasn't reached the point where it's popped out yet, but that day is certainly approaching.

And while we're on the topic of physical changes, I have had to buy new underwear and new pajamas.  It felt weird buying medium-sized clothing when I've always worn either small or extra small.  But, I'm definitely more comfortable!

Baby seems to move around most when I'm first waking up, when I'm hungry and when I've just eaten.  I think this kid likes food.

One of my baby apps says that baby's eyes can now open and that we can shine a flashlight into my belly to see if baby will move.  Here kiddo, let's blind you with light for our entertainment!  Is it just me, or does that seem just a little bit mean?

This post is obviously a collection of random thoughts, but on a more serious note, I started reading "Grace-Based Parenting" by Tim Kimmel.  So far, I'm really appreciating his wisdom and insight.  The part I read today contrasted fear-based parenting with grace-based parenting.  And he presented the idea that each person is created with three intrinsic needs:  Security, Significance and Strength - which can be met through the gifts of Love, Purpose and Hope.  As we get our needs met by the God of grace, we are able to help our children meet those needs through God as well.

When T and I were crafting our wedding vows, we included the idea of making our home a place of grace.  I look forward to reading the rest of the book and seeing how we might live it out in our family in the coming years.

Back from our babymoon

I've been wanting to post for a few days now but somehow settling back into life here has gobbled up all my time.  Hawaii was wonderful.  I used a ton of sunscreen and sat in the shade a lot but I still managed to get a decent tan.  Pregnancy has changed how my skin reacts to the sun so it seemed like I would get patches of darker and lighter tan, much to my chagrin.

Highlights of the trip for me included attending my childhood friend's wedding and seeing many of my other childhood friends there, chilling at the beach, trying my hand at paddle boarding (while seated), playing in the waves, having T cook breakfast for me every day, taking in the scenery, eating delicious food at places recommended to us by friends and finding a gardenia scented perfume that I truly love.

Taking a plane while pregnant was an interesting experience.  On the way there, the lady in the aisle kindly traded seats with me so that I could have the aisle seat.  I had a really hard time falling asleep though because I couldn't get comfortable.  The funny thing was that the same lady was on the same flight back as us - but not  in the same seat.

On the way home, we sat next to another lady who was travelling with three young children - ages 2, 4 and 6.  Since her kids were sitting in the row across the aisle from her, we opted to keep our seats.  We were amazed at how well-behaved her children were and inspired by the way she related to them calmly and respectfully.  Of course, the lady was very understanding of my need to use the bathroom often.  Thankfully, sitting in the window seat gave me a bit more sleep, which was great because it was a red-eye flight.  We were supposed to land at 6:30am but because of a dense fog, our plane ended up attempting to land 5 times with a re-fuelling stop before actually landing at 9:30am.

Anyway, here are some pictures from our trip.  Enjoy!

Which is bigger, pineapple or baby? (23 weeks)

Picturesque Hawaiian wedding

This is the life!

Well-travelled baby

We're going on our much anticipated vacation to Hawaii tomorrow.  With a long-time childhood friend getting married there and a chance to reunite with other friends from Toronto, we figured we might as well take advantage of the fact that baby, diapers, food and toys are all self-contained at the moment.  =)  The seats we have on the flight right now are window and middle seats.  We'll see if we can use the pregnant card to get me an aisle seat.  Otherwise, some poor soul will have to let me in and out quite a bit!

Baby is definitely getting stronger and bigger by the day.  I can feel the acrobatics pretty strongly at times and once in a while, T can feel it too.  I've continued to have a hearty appetite, which I'm thankful for.  Other than that, I feel pretty "normal" - to the point that I sometimes forget that I'm pregnant.

Anyway, not much else to update today.  Aloha!

Double Happiness

Today is a happy day.  For two reasons:

1.  I woke up this morning to my little acrobat doing cartwheels off the sides of my belly.  Since I could feel the bumps and kicks with my hands, I reached over and put T's hand on my belly.  I didn't want to disturb the process so I didn't tell him why.  I just put his hand there and hoped for the best.  And then baby kicked - hard!  So for the first time, T felt the baby move.  =)

2.  We went for a checkup today and found out our baby's sex!  My father-in-law is adamant that he does NOT know so I can't post it here.  But if you're really curious, feel free to email me and I'll tell you.  Just don't tell my father-in-law.  =D

And a bonus happiness today was that I got to buy lunch for a random guy who had only eaten a couple crackers all day.  Happiness is meant to be shared, I think.

Celebrating a Half-Baked Bun

I meant to post this a few days ago but I haven't had a chance to sit at a computer until today (which may be a good thing!).  Anyway, lots to update today.

Last Thursday marked 20 weeks, the midway point of this pregnancy!  We celebrated by hanging out with my father-in-law who treated us to a buffet lunch aboard the ferry on the way back from Victoria.  Excellent food with a window seat by an ever-changing water view.

On Monday, I had my routine mid-term ultrasound to make sure the baby's growing at the proper rate etc.  We were hoping we could find out the sex of the baby but the technician was not allowed to tell us.  He did react quite a bit to our baby doing somersaults though.  It would have been funnier if I wasn't concentrating so hard on not peeing my pants.  Sigh.  We're hoping the doctor will tell us the sex this coming Monday.

Here are a couple pics from the ultrasound.

Profile of the face.

A perfect little leg and foot!

This afternoon, for the first time ever, I actually saw the baby move from the outside of my belly.  I don't know if he/she was kicking, punching or hiccuping.  But the baby's definitely letting me know he/she is there.  Maybe we have a little athlete, martial artist or dancer?

And since we're at the halfway mark, here's a recent photo of me and my emerging baby bump:  20 weeks.

In other news from the encouraging category, the ban on chicken is officially over.  Hooray.

Online generation

Even before I became pregnant, I had been thinking about this new generation that will be growing up with their lives broadcast to the world via social networking, youtube and blogs.  On one hand, it's a positive thing to be able to use the internet to keep family and friends up to date about how our families are doing and what the little ones are up to.  On the other hand though, I wonder what kind of a psychological impact all this publicity will have on these children who grow up with their photos and videos posted for the world to see (and in some cases, comment on).

I wonder if, in our enthusiasm to show off how cute or talented our kids are, we inadvertently communicate to them that their value comes from how much viewership they generate or how many comments they can elicit.  I wonder, too, if growing up under the eye of the world will contribute to bigger egos or greater insecurities for these children.  I mean, the generation before us might be lucky to have a few precious, faded, black and white photos of themselves before their adulthood.  And I personally have one or two photo albums plus a couple VHS casette tapes of my growing up years.  But for these kids growing up now, their whole lives will be digitally documented and widely accessible.

I obviously don't have answers to these questions but I guess thinking them through is part of how I am preparing for parenthood.  I don't want to cut myself or my family off from those who care for us, but I also want to be wise with what I decide to make public.  Any thoughts?

On a pregnancy note:  Thursday marked 19 weeks.  And I think I have started to feel the baby move.  I can't tell for sure yet, but I'm definitely feeling some faint flutters that are an entirely new sensation to me.  I also had a dream this past week in which I was wrapping Vietnamese subs for take-out and the counter at the restaurant was just like a baby change station.  I was trying to wrap the subs so they wouldn't leak.  It was a very serious dream but as I think about it now, I can't help but laugh.  Ha.

18 weeks and counting

I find it hard to believe that I'm already at 18 weeks.  That's almost the halfway mark of the entire pregnancy!  This week has left me definitely feeling like I'm in my second trimester.  I'm rarely nauseous (I can even brush my teeth with my regular toothpaste when I wake up), I'm constantly hungry/eating and my belly is becoming more pronounced.  It's still not entirely obvious when I wear a sweater or jacket, but if I'm just in a t-shirt, you can tell it's there.  And I suddenly have more energy to put into creative meals.  I'm still sleeping about 10 or 11 hours a day (plus naps here and there).  Overall, I'm just feeling better.  For which I'm thankful!

I read an inspiring book this past week.  It's called "Sacred Parenting" by Gary Thomas.  Rather than a "how-to" book, it's a "why" kind of book.  The author's premise is that parenting can be a powerful and effective way for us as parents to shape our character.  From things like guilt and anger to celebrating life and keeping perspective, he explores how the various facets of parenting can be used by God in our maturation process.  I have a feeling that I'll be revisiting this book again in the future when our kid(s) are a bit older.

A friend of mine recently said to me one of the things she found most fascinating about parenting was that her kids all turned out so unique.  They were different from her, different from her husband and different from each other (they have 4 children in the family).  I think that's something T and I most look forward to about parenting as well - that we get to discover who these little people are and be part of their process of discovering themselves.  The prospect of that is absolutely fantastically exciting.

Real Estate Crisis

This past week has felt like an emphasis on basic humanity: sleeping and eating.  Each morning, I wake up because I'm hungry, so I eat.  And then I realize I'm still tired, so I sleep.  So goes the morning.

My afternoons have also been punctuated by food.  I suspect this is due to the limited internal real estate that I possess.  Since I still haven't started really "showing," (as in, family and friends can tell I've "thickened" but any passerby wouldn't say I looked pregnant) baby's growth is forcing the rest of my internal organs into smaller spaces than they're used to, reducing their capacity.  The result is that my lunches and dinners have to be split into two small meals, meaning I have lunch #1 at noon, lunch #2 at 3pm, dinner #1 at 6pm and dinner #2 at 9pm.  That's four square meals a day - plus breakfast.  Those who know me well know that I had to eat pretty frequently even before I was pregnant.  Well now it's compounded!

Another effect of this internal squishing is that I get out of breath faster.  Activities that I never used to give a second thought to, like walking up stairs, going up a hill, or moving laundry from a washer to a dryer, leave me panting.  And it's not that I'm not exercising!  It makes me feel kind of silly and feeble.

Thankfully, the real estate crisis is not so terrible yet as to encroach upon my brain.  I read a story of a pregnant woman who couldn't find her keys and after hours of searching, found them neatly placed in her fridge.  I've mixed up some words here and there and found myself wondering what I was thinking about a second ago, but it hasn't gotten to the point of putting my keys in the fridge!

Anyway, being "unplugged" for the week has been thoroughly refreshing.  I hadn't realized how much time I spent in front of a computer or other electronic device until this week.  It has been fantastic catching up on reading, journalling and oh, did I mention sleeping?

Going on Sabbatical

Yesterday, we had our second visit to the OB (aka, baby doctor).  Everything is normal and the baby's heart rate was 154.  It seems that he/she was more relaxed yesterday as the heart rate was lower than it had been before.  At least someone was chilling before the big Canuck's game 7!  ;)

Anyway, I wanted to let you know that over this next month, T, baby and I will be away for our Sabbatical.  Since the main purpose of our trip is rest and renewal, we will not be online very much.  I will try to post weekly updates and keep you informed as much as possible.  But if the updates are slow, just know that we're enjoying an "unplugged" lifestyle.

It's not twins!!

We had our first ultrasound this morning - what they call a "dating ultrasound", to confirm the age of the baby.  And yes, there is only one baby in there!

I'm officially at 15 weeks and 1 day, which means my new due date is December 1st.  During our ultrasound, we could see the baby's little heart beating away and we saw him/her wave his/her arms and kick his/her legs.  I can't feel any of the movement yet, but it was so neat to see it all.

T was a little panicked because he had trouble finding parking and I was already in the examination room by the time he arrived at the clinic.  Thankfully, the technician had to do her thing first before allowing the both of us to see it.  So in the end, we both got to see the first glimpses of our baby.

I wrote a prayer this morning for all pregnant ladies going in for ultrasounds:
Lord, grant me a full enough bladder for this ultrasound,
And let me not pee my pants.
Amen.

Changed for good

Since making it public, our inboxes and T's facebook page have been buzzing with activity.  The #1 response has been "Congratulations!"

I commented to a friend the other day that it felt a little puzzling to me to be congratulated for getting pregnant.  It felt somewhat akin to being congratulated for winning the lottery.  After all, I didn't actually make the baby's life begin - I only helped provide a suitable environment for it to happen.  And I don't have any control over how well the baby grows either.  My friend responded by saying that I welcomed this new life, and that was worth congratulating me for.

I've been reflecting a bit on the irreversibility of it all.  I had prayed for this pregnancy, but now that it has happened, I sometimes feel alarmed about what I've really asked for!  It's unlike any other decision I've made in life because carrying this baby has meant that I have had to change already and there's no undoing it.  And this new person will impact me more than I can ever guess.   It's sobering to realize that my life is forever changed by the answering of this one prayer.

Last weekend T and I watched the musical, "Wicked," and this one song has been with us all week.  It's called "For Good" and it speaks to many different relationships in our lives.  But as I think about the lyrics, there are certainly parts that express how I feel about this lemon-sized little life within me.  I hope you enjoy the song as much as we do:

Making it public

This week, we're going public!  By the end of this week, the world will know of CHANnel 3's existence.  We're excited about that.

Last night, I wore this t-shirt to our small group. 

After watching the Canuck's game together, we took some group photos and T said, "Olive wants to show you her new t-shirt!"  Watching their faces as they realized we were going to have a baby was priceless!

As I looked around the room afterward, I was overwhelmed by the thought that our little person will enter the world already with so many people who love him/her.  We pray that this child will always know just how loved he/she is.  We are blessed, indeed.

Pooch

Last week, we began telling individual friends about our exciting news.  On Saturday evening, I had a graduation dinner with my classmates and professors.  After I told them I was pregnant, my professor quietly commented to me that she suspected it when she saw me walk into the room.  I feel like all of a sudden over the past week, my belly has a pooch.  I'm very glad that by the end of this week, the news will be public and I won't have to hide my growing belly anymore. 

I have to admit though, having been stick thin for most of my life, seeing my tummy protrude more and more is taking some adjustment.  It's hard not to think I'm getting fat.  I do have a couple sources of comfort though:  T says he loves my belly; and ultimately, God is watching over how I grow - and God makes beautiful things.

I Think It's Sinking In

In the last week, the reality that I am going to be a parent has slowly hit home on several occasions.  Last week, I had to sign some medical paperwork and as my doctor handed me the sheet and pointed to the dotted line, I was shocked to see the words, "Mother's signature" next to the line.  I stared at it for a few seconds before signing my name.  I'm still in shock that I signed it! 

This morning, I met my OB (baby doctor) for the first time.  She used a handy little device called a Dopplar to locate our baby's heartbeat.  T was there in the room with me when we heard the rapid fire "thump thump thump thump thump."  It brought a huge smile to both our faces.

This afternoon, my mother-in-law took me maternity clothes shopping.  We discovered the hard way that all of the department stores at the mall no longer carry maternity clothes.  This is partly because most shirts these days are loose enough and long enough to be used as maternity clothes.  The unfortunate part is that they don't carry pants or underwear suitable for growing bellies.  In the end, we went to the one and only "maternity" clothing store at the mall.  After picking out several items, I went to the dressing rooms to try them on.  As I tried one item, my mom-in-law would browse the store and come back with another item or two.  I felt like I tried on at least a quarter of the store!  Oh, and they had this pillow thing that I could attach to my torso to simulate what I might look like four months from now.  I put it on under several outfits.  We giggled every time I came out of the dressing room with the insta-belly.  In the end, I got a couple dresses (perfect for summer!), a pair of capri pants and a top - all as a gift from my in-laws.  (Thanks, Mom and Dad!)  I am super-excited about wearing these clothes, not only because they're incredibly comfortable, they also let people know that I'm pregnant.  =D

No bulk buying allowed

T has quickly discovered that one of the quirks of having a pregnant wife is that I will be absolutely crazy about a certain food one day and completely abhor it the next (and by next, I mean day - or hour - or minute).  So he gave me a piece of sound advice to keep in mind every time I go out for groceries:  Don't buy anything in bulk!  Let me tell you, I have been terribly tempted at times to buy lots of whatever it is I'm craving at the moment.  But I've learned to listen to the voice of reason - and these days it sounds very much like the voice of my husband.  And I'm super glad.  Because otherwise, I'd probably be stuck with lots of Triscuits, cucumbers, hummus, cranberry juice, goat mozzarella and other things I don't even remember liking anymore.  And I'd have a fridge full of half-eaten meals.  Oh wait, our fridge IS full of half-eaten meals. 

On another note, I realized I often gag when I brush my teeth these days.  I'm wondering if it's the minty toothpaste.  So I'm trying kids "fruit flavoured" toothpaste for now.  It tastes more like bubble gum but I figure if it'll help me actually get a decent teeth-brushing instead of a race-against-the-gag kind of teeth-brushing, it'll be worth it.  And if the taste doesn't help, maybe all the Toy Story characters on the toothpaste tube will distract me enough.  ;)

Respecting the mystery

Yesterday, we spent the whole day at a hospital, keeping vigil by a relative in her last hours on earth.  I could not help but feel a sense of holiness in the moment.  Death is such a mystery.  A secret known only by God.

Yet even as I contemplated the departure of this relative, I also reflected on the formation of new life in my belly.  Conception, too, is a mystery and a secret known only by God.  How a human is knit together in the unseen places is hard to fathom. 

We have yet to tell our extended family that we are expecting.  Part of me wishes they could have known yesterday so that in the midst of grief, there could still be a glimmer of hope.  They will know soon enough.  My sister-in-law called it "Lion King" ish - the cyclical nature of the circle of life.  But isn't that true though?  And isn't that the good news of Jesus?  That in the midst of death, there is new life waiting to be born.

First Dr.'s visit

Today, we went to see my family doctor for our first prenatal appointment.  It seems like everything's ok!  She referred us to an obstetrician (aka, the OB, or what T calls "the baby doctor") in our area who happens to be female and asian (I was surprised when I heard her name - I guess I had expected a caucasian male doctor?  haha).

After giving me a thorough check-up, she sent me down to the lab to get some more tests done.  Eight vials of blood (ok, maybe it was six or seven, but it sure felt like eight!) and a urine sample later, I was free to leave.  I really had not expected so many tests.  And she said this was only half of them!

We have another appointment with the family doctor next week to finish the other half of the tests and fill in a big chart for the OB.  According to the doctor today, my projected due date is November 29, 2011.  We'll see what the OB says.

Good news is that I'm only a couple weeks away from the end of this secretly sicky and tired first trimester.  =)

Mini-olive

This week, baby is the size of an olive.  =) 

What's amazing to me is that he/she already has everything that makes up a human body.  Measuring at just about an inch, the baby already has fully formed eyes, ear lobes, internal organs, fingers and toes - everything!  It tells me that God is a God of details.  I can't imagine trying to make a functioning sculpture that small.

What amazes me more is that the olive-sized little being is merely what we can observe.  God alone is aware of this new person's personality, likes, dislikes, and character - what we cannot see about him or her.  That is the stuff that we will spend the rest of our lives trying to discover!   

I have been pondering the mystery of God lately.  This is one of those instances that brings me into that realm of mystery.

My crazy dreamworld

It's said that one of the effects of pregnancy is vivid dreams.  In the past week, I have dreamt about paragliding onto a ship, escaping from an evil witch and her minions, driving to a retreat on a First Nations reserve and one of my professors asking to take home some of my chow mien.  Haha.  With these kinds of adventures, I'm fully content living in my 2-bedroom apartment all day long!

In general though, I can identify several themes in my dreamland.  They all pretty much relate to my physical/wakeful state of being:  food (because I'm feeling hungry and need to get up to eat), trying not to tell people that I'm pregnant, telling people that I'm pregnant, and trying to find a bathroom (because I actually need to get up and go).

I really look forward to when I can tell people we're expecting.  Four more weeks of secrecy!  In a way though, I am glad we chose to only tell our immediate family until the first trimester is over.  I feel like it gives me some space to finish up my schoolwork and do some internal spring cleaning before the next big thing gets ushered into my life.  I want to capitalize on this time of not needing to mention the baby in every conversation and remember that there are many other topics of interest out there.  For that reason, I have yet to put my hands on a single baby book.  I figure once the world knows, I'll have books and advice aplenty.

Hot Sauce!

Every day is now an experiment in what I like to eat and what I don't like anymore.  The latest development has been hot sauce and pepper.  I discovered that if I add pepper or just a bit of hot sauce to my food, I don't get the gaggy-I-want-to-throw-up feeling before I reach the end of the meal.  I never used to like either.

I'm still loving fruit.  Although I haven't been as crazy about oranges as I was when I first found out I was pregnant (they were and still are pretty much the only thing I've found that I can stomach first thing in the morning). 

Meat is definitely less appetizing.  Sigh.

Why do you care about this?  I don't know.  But it's fascinating to me, how I'm changing, and so you get to read about it.  =)

Oh, so THAT'S why they do that!

I've never been a barfy sort of person.  Whenever I get a stomach bug, I usually don't throw up (I'll spare you the details as to what actually happens).  Even after getting pregnant, I've considered myself blessed that my nausea only shows up every so often, and that it hasn't resulted in me running to the bathroom.  All this to say, I don't have much experience with vomit.

Until this morning.

Today was the first time I actually lost half my breakfast.  Surprisingly, I felt much better after the fact.  And I learned an important lesson:  if you're gonna throw up, do it in the toilet.  NOT the sink!  Makes for better clean up.  There's a reason why people in movies are bent over toilets, folks.  And not just because it's more dramatic.

On the bright side, I guess it was good practice for all the times I'll be cleaning up what my baby will spit up. 

Excuse me, whose body am I inhabiting?

These days, I feel like I'm living in a borrowed body.  Like someone switched bodies on me while I was sleeping.  My sleep rhythm has changed, my eating preferences have changed, and the way I look and feel have already started to change.  I used to be most productive in the afternoons.  Now afternoons are reserved for naps.  It's a strange sensation, to say the least.  I'm learning new things about my "home" every day.  And I'm making adjustments accordingly.  There is much need for grace here. And openness to what is new and unfamiliar.

I guess for most of my adult life so far, my body has been pretty consistent.  Going through this experience helps me to appreciate what it might be like for those who are aging or ill.  It's really out of our control.  And the best we can do is accept it, perhaps laugh at it (or cry), and keep going.

Fatigue

I'm supposed to write a paper today.  It is due tomorrow.  I don't even know how long it's supposed to be... (I just checked, 6 pages).  I feel like I can barely keep my eyes open.  Yipes.

I suppose growing a baby takes a lot of energy.  Despite the fact that it is the size of a mere blueberry this week, it is already 10,000 times as big as it was a month ago!

Lord, have mercy.

[Update:  I ended up napping for 2.5 hours, asking for an extension and settling for writing out an outline today.  I'll live with that!]

A grandmother's prayer

This week, we told our immediate family.  When we told my (O's) mom, her first question was, "Is the baby due in November?"  I said it was either late November or early December.  She said she had been praying for us and had asked God to give us a November baby because I love the number 11:11 (side note: it's my favourite minute and I think it merits a little dance whenever it appears on a digital clock).  I hadn't even thought of that.  November of this year will be 11-11.  Will our baby be born on November 11th at 11:11:11?  Haha...  Would that be overdoing it?  I guess we'll find out in seven months!

Retrospect

As the saying goes, hindsight is 20/20.  Back in January, our car got hit as I was driving home one sunny afternoon and even then, I thought "This was such a random accident, there must be more to this."  It was the second car totaled in four months.  It took us another six weeks to find a replacement car and at the time, I was so swamped with school work that I didn't even go with T when he went to shop for a new car.

He ended up choosing a 2001 Toyota Camry and the second I saw it, I knew this car would be our family car.  I could picture our kids in the back.  We would have it for a while.  Little did I expect that a mere month after getting this car, I would be pregnant! 

If I ever doubt the existence of God, I need only think of circumstances like this where timing could not be any more perfect.  Some could chalk it up to "coincidence" but I've seen this happen too many times in my life not to believe in Someone greater who loves me.

I am a servant

In these early days of pregnancy, I am quickly learning a new dimension of what it means to be a servant.  My body has pressing needs that I cannot ignore.  Every couple of hours, I have to eat.  And I can't just eat anything.  There are certain foods that agree more with my stomach and are more nutritious.  So I have to be thoughtful in selecting what I eat.  And thanks to improved kidney function, I also find myself in the ladies room more often than before (and I already thought I had a small bladder!).  It's as if I have an internal butler that is always asking, "What would you like?  How are you feeling?  How can I make things more comfortable for you?"

I realize that this is only the beginning of this path of servanthood.  There are yet many sacrifices to be made and needs to be met.  If I am not careful about being honest about my feelings with God, I know I could easily become resentful of this child who is so utterly dependent on me right now.  I need to keep remembering Jesus and His example of joy and selflessness.  That is the only way I can love well.

I find it interesting now that Mary's response to the angel's news of her impending pregnancy was, "I am the Lord's servant" (Luke 1:38).  I suspect that she had no idea just how much would be required of her.  But her humility and desire to bless gives me inspiration to do the same.

You're kidding

Tuesday, March 29, 2011 at 3:00am, I woke up feeling like I needed to pee. Just before waking up, I dreamt that I was at a hospital getting a pregnancy test done and for some reason there were other people hanging around when the doctor was giving me the instructions. I turned to them and ratted them out for being so rude and staring at me. "This is important!" I yelled at them. "Stop staring at me and mind your own business!" (I told Tim about this later in the day and he said I was hormonal even in my dreams... Haha)

Anyway, I had been told that pregnancy tests work best first thing in the morning and my period was late so I decided to try out one of the cheap internet bought pregnancy test strips. In my groggy state, I stared as one and then two lines appeared. "You're kidding," I muttered to myself. I had not expected this - not this month anyway. The last three weeks had been so stressful and chaotic for us with Tim's grandfather suffering a stroke and being hospitalized and then his parents' emergency visit to Vancouver. I had also gone away for a week for a class intensive. I had thought this month was out in terms of trying for a baby.

Obviously, God thought otherwise.

Seeing the first test come out positive, I got out a second more expensive test to confirm things. Sure enough, a blue + showed up in the window. Wow, God. Really?

I headed back to bed and tried to sleep. My thoughts were obviously racing. Unable to calm myself, I woke Tim up and told him the news. The first words out of his mouth were, "How do you know?!" Ha. This would be the first (but definitely not last) time that our baby would wake him up and keep him up in the middle of the night! We prayed together, for the baby and for ourselves. And then we talked a bit about when he or she might be born. By then I was hungry so I got up to eat. The rest of the morning, sleep was elusive but we both managed to get a few more hours in.

Today has felt like we've been living in a cloud. We are waiting until the doctor confirms things on Monday before we start telling our family. How are we going to keep this in for so long? Grace, I suppose. Everything is grace.

They say that couples try to conceive for eight months on average before getting pregnant. If it's true, then say hi to an average couple. =)