My crazy dreamworld

It's said that one of the effects of pregnancy is vivid dreams.  In the past week, I have dreamt about paragliding onto a ship, escaping from an evil witch and her minions, driving to a retreat on a First Nations reserve and one of my professors asking to take home some of my chow mien.  Haha.  With these kinds of adventures, I'm fully content living in my 2-bedroom apartment all day long!

In general though, I can identify several themes in my dreamland.  They all pretty much relate to my physical/wakeful state of being:  food (because I'm feeling hungry and need to get up to eat), trying not to tell people that I'm pregnant, telling people that I'm pregnant, and trying to find a bathroom (because I actually need to get up and go).

I really look forward to when I can tell people we're expecting.  Four more weeks of secrecy!  In a way though, I am glad we chose to only tell our immediate family until the first trimester is over.  I feel like it gives me some space to finish up my schoolwork and do some internal spring cleaning before the next big thing gets ushered into my life.  I want to capitalize on this time of not needing to mention the baby in every conversation and remember that there are many other topics of interest out there.  For that reason, I have yet to put my hands on a single baby book.  I figure once the world knows, I'll have books and advice aplenty.

Hot Sauce!

Every day is now an experiment in what I like to eat and what I don't like anymore.  The latest development has been hot sauce and pepper.  I discovered that if I add pepper or just a bit of hot sauce to my food, I don't get the gaggy-I-want-to-throw-up feeling before I reach the end of the meal.  I never used to like either.

I'm still loving fruit.  Although I haven't been as crazy about oranges as I was when I first found out I was pregnant (they were and still are pretty much the only thing I've found that I can stomach first thing in the morning). 

Meat is definitely less appetizing.  Sigh.

Why do you care about this?  I don't know.  But it's fascinating to me, how I'm changing, and so you get to read about it.  =)

Oh, so THAT'S why they do that!

I've never been a barfy sort of person.  Whenever I get a stomach bug, I usually don't throw up (I'll spare you the details as to what actually happens).  Even after getting pregnant, I've considered myself blessed that my nausea only shows up every so often, and that it hasn't resulted in me running to the bathroom.  All this to say, I don't have much experience with vomit.

Until this morning.

Today was the first time I actually lost half my breakfast.  Surprisingly, I felt much better after the fact.  And I learned an important lesson:  if you're gonna throw up, do it in the toilet.  NOT the sink!  Makes for better clean up.  There's a reason why people in movies are bent over toilets, folks.  And not just because it's more dramatic.

On the bright side, I guess it was good practice for all the times I'll be cleaning up what my baby will spit up. 

Excuse me, whose body am I inhabiting?

These days, I feel like I'm living in a borrowed body.  Like someone switched bodies on me while I was sleeping.  My sleep rhythm has changed, my eating preferences have changed, and the way I look and feel have already started to change.  I used to be most productive in the afternoons.  Now afternoons are reserved for naps.  It's a strange sensation, to say the least.  I'm learning new things about my "home" every day.  And I'm making adjustments accordingly.  There is much need for grace here. And openness to what is new and unfamiliar.

I guess for most of my adult life so far, my body has been pretty consistent.  Going through this experience helps me to appreciate what it might be like for those who are aging or ill.  It's really out of our control.  And the best we can do is accept it, perhaps laugh at it (or cry), and keep going.

Fatigue

I'm supposed to write a paper today.  It is due tomorrow.  I don't even know how long it's supposed to be... (I just checked, 6 pages).  I feel like I can barely keep my eyes open.  Yipes.

I suppose growing a baby takes a lot of energy.  Despite the fact that it is the size of a mere blueberry this week, it is already 10,000 times as big as it was a month ago!

Lord, have mercy.

[Update:  I ended up napping for 2.5 hours, asking for an extension and settling for writing out an outline today.  I'll live with that!]

A grandmother's prayer

This week, we told our immediate family.  When we told my (O's) mom, her first question was, "Is the baby due in November?"  I said it was either late November or early December.  She said she had been praying for us and had asked God to give us a November baby because I love the number 11:11 (side note: it's my favourite minute and I think it merits a little dance whenever it appears on a digital clock).  I hadn't even thought of that.  November of this year will be 11-11.  Will our baby be born on November 11th at 11:11:11?  Haha...  Would that be overdoing it?  I guess we'll find out in seven months!

Retrospect

As the saying goes, hindsight is 20/20.  Back in January, our car got hit as I was driving home one sunny afternoon and even then, I thought "This was such a random accident, there must be more to this."  It was the second car totaled in four months.  It took us another six weeks to find a replacement car and at the time, I was so swamped with school work that I didn't even go with T when he went to shop for a new car.

He ended up choosing a 2001 Toyota Camry and the second I saw it, I knew this car would be our family car.  I could picture our kids in the back.  We would have it for a while.  Little did I expect that a mere month after getting this car, I would be pregnant! 

If I ever doubt the existence of God, I need only think of circumstances like this where timing could not be any more perfect.  Some could chalk it up to "coincidence" but I've seen this happen too many times in my life not to believe in Someone greater who loves me.

I am a servant

In these early days of pregnancy, I am quickly learning a new dimension of what it means to be a servant.  My body has pressing needs that I cannot ignore.  Every couple of hours, I have to eat.  And I can't just eat anything.  There are certain foods that agree more with my stomach and are more nutritious.  So I have to be thoughtful in selecting what I eat.  And thanks to improved kidney function, I also find myself in the ladies room more often than before (and I already thought I had a small bladder!).  It's as if I have an internal butler that is always asking, "What would you like?  How are you feeling?  How can I make things more comfortable for you?"

I realize that this is only the beginning of this path of servanthood.  There are yet many sacrifices to be made and needs to be met.  If I am not careful about being honest about my feelings with God, I know I could easily become resentful of this child who is so utterly dependent on me right now.  I need to keep remembering Jesus and His example of joy and selflessness.  That is the only way I can love well.

I find it interesting now that Mary's response to the angel's news of her impending pregnancy was, "I am the Lord's servant" (Luke 1:38).  I suspect that she had no idea just how much would be required of her.  But her humility and desire to bless gives me inspiration to do the same.