How to trap a husband

As this pregnancy has progressed, I have found myself struggling with fears and insecurities I never thought existed in me.  In the last couple months, I've asked T at least three or more times a day week a common yet impossible to answer question, "Am I fat??!"

To which, he has replied, "Yes....  No....  Um.....  I dunno?"

The other day we were laughing about this situation and he asked me what I was really asking.  What was behind this question about being fat or not?  Someone (a mother of grown children) told him I was looking for affirmation.  I think that's part of it, but for me, it is deeper than that even.

Anyway, here's my attempt to decipher my own question.  I can't speak for all pregnant women, but I know that for myself, when I ask, "Am I fat?"  I'm really saying:  I'm having a hard time loving myself and accepting this changing body of mine.  I wonder if I'm still beautiful, acceptable, lovable and valuable.  The person I had been so accustomed to is no longer.  Can I love this new me?  Maybe you can help me love me?  

Of course, I know that the deepest, most satisfying love I seek ultimately comes from God's heart toward me.  But I am learning that sometimes, it helps to borrow my husband's or a friend's love when I seem to have misplaced my own.

99 days to go!

Dear Baby Chan (aka, CHANnel 3),

If you are among the 5% of babies who arrive on their due dates, you will be making your grand entrance into this world in a mere ninety-nine days.  As I ponder this reality, my heart is filled with curiosity.  Who will you look like?  Who will you take after?  Will you be musical like your parents?  Will you love words like your mommy, or will you like numbers like your daddy?  What aspects of your grandparents will you inherit?  Will you be a social butterfly?  The life of the party?  A contemplative?  What passions will drive you?  What kind of friends will we be?

You are growing bigger by the day and I can feel your movements getting stronger too.  Are you feeling cramped in there?   These last two days, I've felt you move on both sides of my belly simultaneously.  What are you even doing???

There are many people who are looking forward to meeting you.  There is a lot of love awaiting to embrace you.  Do you sense that?  Every night, your daddy and I pray for you.  We pray for many things, but above all, we pray that you would know without a shadow of a doubt that you are deeply and thoroughly loved.  We pray that somehow God would communicate this love to you because our love is limited but His is unwavering and limitless.

In these next 99 days, we will be busy with getting ready for your arrival.  You just hang in there, enjoy being carried around and keep on practicing your happy dance.

With deep affection,
Mommy

Happy baby

I went for a check-up this morning.  Everything seems to be going well.  The baby-doctor (OB) said my weight is good, my belly size is right on target and the baby's heartbeat is strong and happy.  I'm thankful.  I have to go in for a glucose tolerance test sometime before my next appointment.  I've heard some pretty discouraging things about that test so we'll see how it goes for me.

I have one more monthly check-up before I switch to appointments every two weeks. When the doctor told me that, I thought, "Just like that?!  This pregnancy is whipping by!"  T, on the other hand, thinks that waiting 9 months is going way too slowly.

Baby has gotten two gifts so far:  a Vancouver Canucks bib, from friends of ours who are also expecting; and a pair of cute blue shoes, from one very excited grandma-to-be.  This weekend, we'll be starting to collect other baby goods of a more essential nature.  It's times like these that we are especially grateful for the network of friends and family we have around us who are so generous and helpful.

In other news, I think my second-trimester burst of energy is slowly coming to an end.  I'm finding myself more tired in the last couple days.  And my calf muscles are periodically threatening to cramp up on me (apparently this was something my mom had to deal with too).  Although, I've taken my nutritionist mother's advice and upped my calcium intake and that has helped alleviate some of the cramping.

Anyway, just thought I'd do a little update while I had some time.  Thanks for reading!

My belly-button is getting shallower

The deep abyss that used to be my naval is slowly transforming.  It hasn't reached the point where it's popped out yet, but that day is certainly approaching.

And while we're on the topic of physical changes, I have had to buy new underwear and new pajamas.  It felt weird buying medium-sized clothing when I've always worn either small or extra small.  But, I'm definitely more comfortable!

Baby seems to move around most when I'm first waking up, when I'm hungry and when I've just eaten.  I think this kid likes food.

One of my baby apps says that baby's eyes can now open and that we can shine a flashlight into my belly to see if baby will move.  Here kiddo, let's blind you with light for our entertainment!  Is it just me, or does that seem just a little bit mean?

This post is obviously a collection of random thoughts, but on a more serious note, I started reading "Grace-Based Parenting" by Tim Kimmel.  So far, I'm really appreciating his wisdom and insight.  The part I read today contrasted fear-based parenting with grace-based parenting.  And he presented the idea that each person is created with three intrinsic needs:  Security, Significance and Strength - which can be met through the gifts of Love, Purpose and Hope.  As we get our needs met by the God of grace, we are able to help our children meet those needs through God as well.

When T and I were crafting our wedding vows, we included the idea of making our home a place of grace.  I look forward to reading the rest of the book and seeing how we might live it out in our family in the coming years.

Back from our babymoon

I've been wanting to post for a few days now but somehow settling back into life here has gobbled up all my time.  Hawaii was wonderful.  I used a ton of sunscreen and sat in the shade a lot but I still managed to get a decent tan.  Pregnancy has changed how my skin reacts to the sun so it seemed like I would get patches of darker and lighter tan, much to my chagrin.

Highlights of the trip for me included attending my childhood friend's wedding and seeing many of my other childhood friends there, chilling at the beach, trying my hand at paddle boarding (while seated), playing in the waves, having T cook breakfast for me every day, taking in the scenery, eating delicious food at places recommended to us by friends and finding a gardenia scented perfume that I truly love.

Taking a plane while pregnant was an interesting experience.  On the way there, the lady in the aisle kindly traded seats with me so that I could have the aisle seat.  I had a really hard time falling asleep though because I couldn't get comfortable.  The funny thing was that the same lady was on the same flight back as us - but not  in the same seat.

On the way home, we sat next to another lady who was travelling with three young children - ages 2, 4 and 6.  Since her kids were sitting in the row across the aisle from her, we opted to keep our seats.  We were amazed at how well-behaved her children were and inspired by the way she related to them calmly and respectfully.  Of course, the lady was very understanding of my need to use the bathroom often.  Thankfully, sitting in the window seat gave me a bit more sleep, which was great because it was a red-eye flight.  We were supposed to land at 6:30am but because of a dense fog, our plane ended up attempting to land 5 times with a re-fuelling stop before actually landing at 9:30am.

Anyway, here are some pictures from our trip.  Enjoy!

Which is bigger, pineapple or baby? (23 weeks)

Picturesque Hawaiian wedding

This is the life!

Well-travelled baby

We're going on our much anticipated vacation to Hawaii tomorrow.  With a long-time childhood friend getting married there and a chance to reunite with other friends from Toronto, we figured we might as well take advantage of the fact that baby, diapers, food and toys are all self-contained at the moment.  =)  The seats we have on the flight right now are window and middle seats.  We'll see if we can use the pregnant card to get me an aisle seat.  Otherwise, some poor soul will have to let me in and out quite a bit!

Baby is definitely getting stronger and bigger by the day.  I can feel the acrobatics pretty strongly at times and once in a while, T can feel it too.  I've continued to have a hearty appetite, which I'm thankful for.  Other than that, I feel pretty "normal" - to the point that I sometimes forget that I'm pregnant.

Anyway, not much else to update today.  Aloha!